It could be the lack of oxygen. It’s almost certainly the lack of sleep. But there’s something more, almost existential, about flying through time and space in a metal bullet, briefly suspended from our earth-bound identities, our jobs, our responsibilities, our social contexts that makes us act like first class idiots. On many levels. But let’s bypass for a second the overconsumption of dehydrating liquids and narrow in on one in particular – onboard duty free. Yes, this relic still exists as do the handful of veterans who still fill up their bags with its expensive trinkets.

It’s almost as if our brains go into flight mode, shutting down all but the most basic functions from entering and tampering with our thought process. And apparently logic is not one of them, having been declared a non-essential function of modern life. Fair enough. Makes sense.

Okay, so maybe I can cook up some sort of logical high-in-the sky theory on why people swipe a piece of plastic to buy a more solid piece of plastic, wrapped in plastic they will throw away, but it’s the what that I really have an issue with. What in God’s blue sky would make them buy an item like this…

Empty pocket wallet by Cerutti 1881


pocket wallet

It’s essentially a leather napkin that someone has turned into a bowl by putting press studs on each corner. (I get the idea that the prototype was actually a bar napkin idea that a bunch of hipster clinked craft beers over only to turn it into a market item that a luxury brand upsold with their 1881 stamp of approval)

“Converts in an empty tray pocket”. Did you mean to say empty brain pocket but then the marketing department vetoed this?

 “Designed to save space when you travel” How? The picture shows a bunch of keys and a few coins placed in this essential tray. Wouldn’t it take up less space and effort (I imagine those press studs don’t clip themselves) just chucking your keys and coins into the bottom of your bag like any normal person?

“Keeps all your valuables together”. Like a purse? Just magnetise your keys already.

“Made from calf leather” Frankly it’s an insult that a sentient being, with more brains than this evolutionary chain of producers and consumers of this product, had to give up its life so that you can possess such a trivial item in your bag/pocket.

$79. Need I say more?

1 Comment

Ali F. Dossa · May 23, 2017 at 6:12 pm

Thanks for your hilarious and very honest opinion. You just saved me $79.

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